With Seperation comes sadness

Hello, sorry no good things to say today. This is about the Ruch family right.... well I just can't function if I think about a member of this family. My baby Piper. I don't know what to do. I know she needs to hear from me but to even think of her tares my heart out. I really have no answer, there is no way in hell I'm ever moving back to MN. As miserable as I am here I can at least be free of my mental chains away from there. I can't survive there.... I could never be a good mom there, but here I don't get a chance to even be with my daughter. Even if I could survive there where the hell would I live? Is there going to be some huge change in the structure of life from last summer and there be a possible living place for us there, not exactly. We have a home here that I am working hard on and am fighting with the devil to make it our home for my kids.
How do you explain to a little girl that the very thought of her makes you just want to die, I can't stand the thought that I have to live without her here with me. Here with her family, with people that she can be herself with. Not some stupid pig headed fool that thinks that religion is the only way one can live their life sensibly. Ignorance, my intelligent amazing daughter is surrounded by ignorance and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. Why because now we live in an era where fathers get equal rights, even if they aren't right. So I moved to the different state so my daughter gets to suffer and her father is blind to all but what he wants and thinks.
I can't think of her.......how do I show her I love her if I can't think of her. I think of her and suddenly I'm a mess, I can't function. I have three other kids to care for. How to I live through this, knowing that it is fucking my daughter up? I'm a mess without her with us, I love her.